She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
