This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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