I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
