I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
