just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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