it wasn't lemon gatorade
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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