uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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