i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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