Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
