I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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