I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
