ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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