I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
PANTIES FOUND
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