3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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