I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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