remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize