Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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