I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
