I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
