You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
