I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
