so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
