he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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