thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
