Just fell off a train. Bad.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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