I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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