he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
