i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
