Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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