made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
