I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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