I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
