I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
