Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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