i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize