I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
