I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
