Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
