That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
