probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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