i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
