are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
