I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
