I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it because I queefed?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
