I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
