I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
