I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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