Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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