I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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