Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We are two peas in an std pod
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
