I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize