forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
