What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
