Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
