My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
