there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
