Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
