Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
