I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
