i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
