just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
