So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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