Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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