I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i drank out of a bidet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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