Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
