I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
