bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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