Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
