and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
