I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
