Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
