I'm jealous of your bromance
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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