I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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