Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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