dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
