So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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