matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
